- Well, here's his vest. - Who's vest?
- The man you sent... - Mitty!
I don't know whether you're drunk or crazy!
Throw that pigeon out, and you get out of here!
- I'll talk to you later. - I'm sorry, Mr. Pierce.
Excuse me!
So sorry.
Get out of here, Mitty! Get out!
I'm sorry, Mr. Pierce!
I'm terribly sorry!
Get out!
You know very well, if you're going to get married...
you'll just have to ask for a raise.
Put those flowers in water for me, will you, dear?
What was that?
- What was what? - The clock didn't strike.
I definitely heard it not strike.
Will you please take it to Kudners on Sixth Avenue.
They fixed Gertrude's metronome. They can fix anything.
But don't say you'll do it and then not do it.
I'll do it tomorrow afternoon.
Walter! Not in the lemonade! For heaven's sake!
What's the matter with you? You've been in a daze all evening.
Mother...
if a fellow was a witness to a murder, and he was told not to say anything...
not even to his loved ones...
what should he do about it?
Can't you forget those stories of yours for a moment?
They've brought Tubby Wadsworth. Put your coat on, darling.
Put it on, and get rid of that paper.
Tubby Wadsworth.
- Anybody home? - Irmagarde!
- My! What a stunning hat! - Thank you.
- And Gertrude dear. - Hello, Mother Mitty.
- Take your things off. - All right.
And Tubby Wadsworth.
Gertrude brought me and left Queenie home.
How do I look as a lap dog? Woof! Woof!
- Hiya, Walt, old boy. - Hello, Tubby.
Brought you a present.
- First edition. - Well! Gee, thanks.
What is it? Tubby's so thoughtful.
Well, isn't this wonderful.
Walter, you look so silly!
Little gadget I picked up at a magic store.
Sneezing powder! It's a howl, isn't it?
Sure is.
- Guess what, Eunice. - What?
We have the Reverend Thomas for Saturday!
- No! - Thanks to Tubby.
Well, you know what they say: "Unlucky in love, lucky in cards."
- What are we waiting for? - You four play the first rubber.
Let's play for a 25th of a cent and settle for half.
Oh, no, dear. No gambling. Let's keep it social.
Cut for deal.
- King. - Ten.
- Three. - Two.
Pass those.
Care for some lady fingers, Tubby?
Only yours, Juliet.
Let's play some bridge.
- One no trump. - Pass.
Five diamonds.
- Pass. - Five diamonds?
Six no trump.
- Pass. - By.
Pass.
Your lead, Walt.
How's that, partner?
Grand slam.
Slough the two hearts on the diamonds and the spades are good.
You could have set me if you'd have led a heart.
Walter's trouble is he doesn't concentrate.
Card sense is like business sense. Don't have one, you don't have the other!
That's what I'm always telling you, Walter.
Your deal.
Cool as a cucumber...
Gaylord Mitty, the Mississippi gambler...
puffed nonchalantly on a handmade Havana.
Raise.
Once again, sir.
The deed to my plantation.
Call. Three kings.
I believe I have three bullets, sir.
Lady Luck hasn't been smiling upon you, Colonel Wadsworth.
One more hand, Mitty.
With what, Colonel? Ginger snaps?
I know you're in love with my fiancée.
I'll play you one hand for her.
You'd pluck a star from the heavens...
and fling it on the soiled cloth of a gaming table?
If I lose, I'll... I'll go north.
Is it a wager?
It's a wager, sir.
I'm terribly sorry, ladies.
Your pleasure, sir.
I'll play these.
Reckon this is one hand you won't win.
This time I got the three aces.
That's mighty strange, Colonel.
I have four aces.
Why, you cheating dog!
Careful, Wadsworth.
These things have been known to go off.
The plink of banjos could be heard over the paddle wheels...
as they went ta-pocketa, ta-pocketa...
in the moonlit water.
Gaylord Mitty squared his enormous shoulders...
and called her name softly.
- Miss Gertrude? - It was a touching moment.
Oh. It's you.
- I have the honor to inform you... - I have already been informed.
I suppose you've come to collect your bet...
you unspeakable riverboat gambler.
I have no intention of holding a lady to any such bargain.
Here's the deed to the plantation stolen from your father.
Try to think kindly of me when...
when I'm away.
Away?
Fort Sumter has been fired upon.
My regiment leaves at dawn.
Oh, Gaylord! How I've misjudged you!
I know it's too much to hope for, ma'am, but if you'll wait...
Forever, Gaylord.
Swallow them up, old Mississippi.
This is my last deal.
Come on, Walt! Finish the deal!
Walter, what's the matter with you?
It's really you.
- You phoned yesterday. - Yes, I called...
I wanted to tell you I found the book you were looking for.
- It was on me! - Thank heavens.
Where is it?
- I stuck it in a lady's corset. - What?
A lady's corset that was being delivered from Stacey's department store.
The lady's name was Follinsbee.
You had the book, and you let it out of your hands?
I had to! A man was chasing me with a long knife...
and another man tried to push me out of a window!
I've been through a lot!
Well, we must find it! Come show me where you put it.
I can't. I've got a dinner party at 6:30.
I've got to meet my mother and lots of other people.
And by the time I get this clock dropped off at Sixth Avenue, I...
It won't strike. Mother's used to hearing it strike.
It keeps her awake, and it's gotta be...
Oh, please, Miss van Hoorn. Please don't cry.
I'm sorry.
It's just I'm so alone in all of this.
Uncle's helpless, and I don't know where to turn.
Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find.
I'll do anything I can to help.
- Would you? - Sure.
How many Follinsbees can there be?
Let's look in the phone book.
- Well, this looks like it. - Run up and check.
- You won't need that! - It's Grandmother's clock.
- I mustn't let anything happen to it. - I'll keep an eye on it.
Hurry. I'll stay down here in case anything happens.
All right.
- What do you think'll happen? - Please hurry!
- It's Follinsbee, all right! - Well, knock on the door.
Knock on the door!
I'm terribly sorry!
- Is your name Follinsbee? - That's right. What do you want?
Would you mind very much if I looked in your wife's corset?
What?
I mean, yesterday I slipped something into her corset.
How do you do?
- Do you know this guy? - Never saw him before.
Oh, you don't...
So help me, Harry! I never saw the guy before in my life!
Get out of here or I'll knock your teeth in.
Please, Harry! I swear! He doesn't mean a thing!
- This isn't a corset. - What is it?
It's a nightgown.
I'd better take it back to that fellow. I've caused him enough trouble.
I'm sorry to trouble you, but I thought I'd better return your wife's nightgown.
Why, you!
Wrong Follinsbee!
"Mrs. Letitia Follinsbee, 949 Fifth Avenue."
She must work here.
Forgot your keys.
Gee, those are pretty. Wooden shoes, huh?
I've had them for years.
They're supposed to ward off evil.
I should have been carrying them yesterday.
Carry them now.
No. These are gold. Why should you give them to me?
Because you've been so kind, Walter.
"Walter."
I have a bag that matches these shoes exactly.
- I wonder how much they are. - Girls! I didn't know you were out here.
Mrs. Follinsbee is waiting for you.
You'll have to rush to change.
You're terribly late.
- What did the corset look like? - It was black and sort of filmy.
And lacy around the neck with little yellow ribbons...
or green or some color.
You wait here.
May I seat you, sir?
Right over here.
Now, girls. Take these corsets.
And you 12s wear these.
Rush, girls! And start dressing.
I'm sorry, but black helps brings out the best in me.
Welcome.
I can't tell you how proud I am...
to present Anatole of Paris.
This is the first appearance of my latest creation:
Venetian mirror hat.
A grey turban studded with diamonds.
And on the top, Prince of Wales ostrich tips.
Cocktails for two.
I call this one the rain hat...
because it looks like a fountain.
And when you buy it...
you get soaked.
It is entirely made of black aigrettes...
with a diamond band in case you go slumming.
For the woman of mystery.
A touch of the Arabian with Grecian simplicity.
A "sheik" that is truly "chic."
Made of jersey, carrying its own capelet...
and giving madam the muffled look.
And now my pièce de résistance.
Watch.
First, the pin.
Then, the brim.
Then...
back with the pin.
The striptease hat.
Now, before I continue with the rest of my hats...
I would like you to know how I started in this business.
It all began when I was born
A month too soon
My Ma was frightened by a runaway saloon
Pa was forced to be a hobo
Because he played the oboe
And the oboe, it is clearly understood
Is an ill wind that no one blows good
I'll never forget the morning that Grandpa ate the awning
To impress a pretty lady who went for men that were shady
Then my uncle, Aunt Mary went on a safari
To Calcutta
Bombay
India
Tracking through the trackless jungle
At low tide and high noon
Hello, Tide.
Hi, Noon.
And I'm the result of the twisted eugenics
Of this family of inbred schizophrenics
The end of a long, long line of bats
I design...
women's...
hats.
You are no longer with us.
I'm Anatole of Paris I shriek with chic
My hat of the week caused six divorces
Three runaway horses
I'm Anatole of Paris The hats I sell
Make husbands yell
Is that a hat or a two-room flat
Parlor, bedroom, bath.
Let me get my paw on a little piece of straw
And, voilà
A chapeau
At 60 bucks a throw
It's how I pull and chew on it
The little things I do on it
Like placing yards of lacing or a bicycle built for two on it
The little ones, the big ones The sat-on-by-a-pig ones
The foolish ones that perch
And the ghoulish ones that lurch
The one called "Moonlit Menace" designed for a night in Venice
A little bow And a little
I'm Anatole of Paris I must design
I'm just like wine
I go to your head
Give me thread and a needle I itch, I twitch to stitch
I'm a glutton for cuttin' For puttin' with a button
To snip and pluck, nip and tuck fix and trim, tie on that brim
Tote that barge
Lift that veil
And why do I sew each new chapeau
With a style they must look positively grim in
Strictly between us
I hate women
And so, ladies, my first small creation led to greater things.
Here it is. Take it to Uncle's as quickly as you can.
But I can't! My mother...
"Dutch crown jewels.
Diamond collection. House of..."
I don't think we ought to stay here overnight.
We should have gone home in Tubby's car!
And leave Eunice alone with that...
It's raining so hard...
and our road will be washed out anyway.
Who is it?
It's me. Who did you expect?
Here. Drink this while it's warm.
And get right into bed, dear.
Come on, darling.
- That's hot, Mother. - Drink it all, dear.
That's all I want.
- Good night, dear. - Good night.
- And try not to dream of climbing. - Yes, Mother.
Miss van Hoorn!
- They might have heard you! - It was the only way!
Where's the book? Why didn't you bring it to Uncle's?
Come into the kitchen.
You're catching cold. Here. You'd better sit by the stove.
I'll light the oven.
You'd better take those wet shoes off.
I'll make some tea for you.
Wait a minute. I'll be right down.
What in the world are you doing? Where was that music coming from?
The music? Oh! I was just playing the piano, Mother.
Playing the piano?
You can't play the piano!
I know.
But it sort of helps me relax when it's lightning and thundering and things.
You just march right into bed and do your relaxing there!
Good night, Mother. Good night, Gertrude.
Good night... Mrs. Griswold.
Well, a lot of people play the piano when they can't sleep.
It's a well-known fact. Good night.
- Walter, what are you doing out here? - Whistling.
The rain is making too much noise to whistle in there.
I was trying to remember the way our old high school song went.
Fight on for Perth Amboy High
Walter, will you please go to bed!
Good night, Mother. Good night, Gertrude.
Good night... Mrs. Griswold.
It's funny. Walter can never go to sleep when he tries to think of something...
and can't remember.
His father was the same way. Up half the night.
- Good night. - Good night.
Mother, what if he acts that way after we're married?
We'll handle him. It's just that he wasn't properly raised.
Tubby keeps on proposing.
Maybe I'm making a mistake!
- Gee, you brought another dress! - It's my slip.
Slip.
Well, it looks like an evening gown on you.
Would you like another cup of tea?
No, thanks. I must hurry and get the book to Uncle.
- May I have it, please? - Well, it's upstairs. I'll get it.
Only, will you be all right?
- You weren't followed or anything? - No. I'll be all right.
Good. I wouldn't want you to meet those two fellows.
You should see that knife! It was...
- I'm going with you. - No, Walter. That's sweet but...
No. I'll go with you. You leave this way, and I'll meet you out front.
- But you've done enough for me. - No.
Anyone would have done the same thing in my shoes.
I'll get my shoes and get the book too.
Oh, Tyler. Where's Uncle Peter?
He's in the library, miss.
Uncle, we have it! We have the book!
- The book! - And we have Walter to thank.
It was nothing.
Mr. Mitty, I don't know what to say.
I don't know how to repay you. Holland will be eternally grateful.
Well, I really didn't do anything.
It's lucky I found out where Walter lived.
Very fortunate.
You don't know what this means to me, my dear.
I think I do.
Come and join me.
This calls for a celebration.
And you've been through a great deal.
Mother doesn't like me to drink very much, but maybe just a little one.
- Now, where is the book? - Yes, Walter. Give Uncle the book.
- I gave it to you in the car. - Yes, but I returned it.
No, don't you remember?
I said, "Here's the book." And you said, "Thank you, Walter."
I said, "You're welcome..."
Look through all your pockets. You must have it somewhere.
No, I'm sure I gave it to you.
We must have left it in the car. We'd better go look.
Wait! Mr. Mitty.
- To Holland. - Yes. To Holland.
- Hurry, Walter. - We'll be right back.
You'd better put this raincoat on. It's still raining out.
Walter, what happened?
Wake up!
- The Boot! - Where is the book, Rosalind?
Better put this raincoat on.
It's still raining outside.
He's coming to.
Did you get it?
Get what?
The black book.
Mother, what are you doing here? Where's Rosalind?
Your niece.
Young man. I have no niece.
No niece?
How long had he been crawling around your front lawn?
Tyler found him at 7:00 this morning.
- Eating the tulip bulbs. - Tulip bulbs!
I'll pay for all the damages, Mr. van Hoorn.
Mother!
- He says he has no niece! - If he says he has no niece...
- He should know! - But I know he has! Her name's Rosalind.
She has blonde hair and is the prettiest girl I ever saw!
I'm afraid he's suffering from some hallucination.
I'm not suffering from anything! There is a black book!
And a man was murdered in front of my eyes!
Tuesday you invited me to lunch, and Rosalind was here!
She was at that piano...
I have never set eyes on you before in my life.
- What do you mean, you... - Please don't make anymore trouble!
- I'm not making... - Now, Mitty!
Pull yourself together! We have four magazines going to press!
I don't care!
Young man, you're beginning to exhaust my patience.
You've destroyed property of mine. I could have you arrested.
Now we can settle this amicably.
I'll pay for all the tulips and send you a life subscription to "Terror Stories."
I've gotta find Rosalind. And don't pay him for any tulips!
- I didn't eat a single one! Rosalind! - Don't get exited!
- We'll get you to a doctor right away. - I'll telephone Dr. Renshaw.
- He took out Walter's tonsils. - Pardon me. If I may suggest.
The boy needs not a physician, but a psychiatrist.
- Psychiatrist! - I happen to know a very good one.
- Name him, sir. Money's no object. - No! I'm gonna find Rosalind.
- Catch him! - I don't know what's happened to Walter!
He's never run away from home, not even when he was little!
- There, there. Mrs. Mitty. - He's such a quiet boy.
Yes, he...
Oh, my poor dear! What have you done to him?
He did it himself, madam.
- What's that psychiatrist's name? - Dr. Hugo Hollingshead.
The doctor will see you now.
- Come along, Walter. - Come on.
I'm all right!
I'm not crazy! I just don't wanna...
How do you do? Won't you come in?
- That's him! That's Dr. Hollingshead! - Of course it is.
He's the one who pushed me out the window!
Mother, he's a killer! He belongs to the gang!
- Walter, please! - There, there, my boy.
The doctor's not going to harm you.
- I'm Mr. Pierce. - I see. How do you do?
- And this is Mrs. Mitty, I take it? - Don't let him touch you!
Call the police!
Doctor, you've got to help us. Mitty is one of my key men.
He was all right up to 48 hours ago, but then...
Well, you can see.
- He pushed me out of a window! - Walter, please!
- Do you think he's starved for vitamins? - Calm yourself, my dear Mrs. Mitty.
- We'll give him a thorough examination. - No!
What's the matter, fellow? Why don't you like me?
Because you pushed me out of a window, that's why!
But I've never seen you before.
Possibly you're mistaking me for somebody else.
No, I'm not! Nobody could look as much like you do as you do!
You've got to get well! You're going to be married Sunday!
Don't you understand? This man is a criminal!
There's no reason he can't be back at his desk tomorrow!
I'd rather speak to him alone. Would you mind?
Please don't leave me, Mother. Mr. Pierce, don't leave me alone with...
Now, now, young man. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Your mother will be right outside.
- Will you, Mother? - Of course, darling.
It's all right.
Would you take your glasses off?
Why, of course.
Are you quite sure you didn't come to my office...
and try to push me out of the window?
What nonsense.
I'm sorry.
That's better. Sit down, boy.
Now just lie down there and be comfortable.
- Go ahead. - Can't you examine me standing up?
It's necessary that you be completely relaxed.
Now just lie right down there.
Relax, boy!
Now...
close your eyes.
The left one too.
That's right. Now tell me all that's bothering you.
Well, the day before yesterday...
I met a girl.
She looked like all the girls I've ever dreamed about.
Don't you say he's crazy because he isn't!
Of course not. He isn't imagining anything.
What's so mysterious about a black book?
It's just full of telephone numbers.
- That proves he's normal. - Telephone numbers!
And that Rosalind he's always screaming about... just one of the numbers.
Mama, I wanna go home!
What's bothering you, honey?
And what about the black book?
That was gone too.
It was in your possession when you came to the house?
I thought I'd given it to Mr. van Hoorn's niece...
but he said he had no niece.
Why are you asking me all these questions?
Because as a psychiatrist I must know your innermost mental processes.
Tell me...
what sort of business are you in?
I'm a proofreader at the Pierce Publishing Company.
I see.
My boy, you're suffering from a romantic delusion...
aggravated by overwork and incessant daydreaming.
You mean, I... I dreamed the whole thing?
Don't you see?
You've obviously been affected by all these pulp magazines...
that you're constantly proofreading.
You've been frustrated all your life so you live in your daydreams.
The heroine is always in danger: She's tied to a chair...
bound and gagged.
But she was so real.
She had the prettiest mouth.
Every time she touched me...
I grew hot and cold.
- What's the matter? - I just saw her!
She was sitting in there!
She was bound and gagged.
My boy. I'm afraid you're in love with a girl who doesn't exist.
They were right, I guess.
- I daydream too much. - Exactly!
And that can lead to serious complications.
I had a patient here last week who was suffering...
from the same sort of romantic delusions.
- He was? - Yes. Poor fellow was in a bad state.
No matter how a woman was dressed, he fancied he saw her in a bathing suit.
Metaphilia... an extreme case, of course.
Of course.
- Yes, Doctor? - Miss Appleby.
Will you bring me the charts on the Wilson case, please?
- Certainly, Doctor. - You have a spot on your uniform!
I'm sorry, Doctor. I'll change immediately.
Did she really have a spot on her uniform?
- Well, you saw it, didn't you? - Oh, sure. I saw it.
It was an ink spot.
- Mercurochrome. - Oh, yes.
Mercurochrome. It looked like red ink.
It was hardly noticeable though...
You didn't see any uniform.
No. Oh, you're right. I saw her in a bathing suit.
I've got metaphilia! What am I gonna do?
What you need is a good, long rest.
But I'm getting married tomorrow!
Capital! Go home and marry your Bertha!
- Gertrude. - Gertrude. And forget all about it.
You'll be a new man.
I'm beginning to feel better already.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God...
and in the face of this company...
to join together this man and this woman...
in holy matrimony.
I require and charge you both...
that if either of you know of any impediment...
why you may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony...
you do now confess it, or else forever after hold your peace."
Do you, Walter...
take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife...
so long as you both shall live?
I do.
Place the ring upon her finger.
The ring.
She's alive! It's true! It wasn't a dream! These are her shoes!
I was right! Van Hoorn's a crook!
He's got her in that house! We've got to get her!
You'll have to go after him. He's going to molest that poor old man!
Pardon me!
Hey, you!
The hooves of his sorrel, Quicksilver, going ta-pocketa, ta-pocketa...
Walter "Slim" Mitty, the most feared man west of the Pecos...
rode into Tombstone Gulch.
Mitty the Kid's in town!
$"General Store - Post Office"
I wouldn't do that if I was you, Toledo.
Oh, Slim!
- I'd start a-prayin' if I was you. - Why, you!
Please, Slim! Please don't hit me anymore!
- She's still suffering from shock. - Well, get her out of it!
She's hidden that book somewhere in this house.
How can we get information from a girl who can't open her mouth?
Krug.
Wait! I have a better idea.
Our impetuous young man has come to rescue his lady in distress.
Doctor, do you think that seeing the man she loves might bring her out of it?
- It might. - Good.
Then we will let him rescue her.
Don't come any closer!
I've got a Luger and I'll drill you!
All right, hophead. Start talking and talk fast.
Where is she?
You'd better start singing, lard face. One more move and I'll drive you.
I'll drill you so full of lead...
Oh, I just knew you were alive! I knew it!
Walter, it's you.
If they hurt you, I'll kill them like I did that lard face outside.
Walter, my uncle...
Rosalind, he's a murderer.
I found out he isn't my uncle.
He's the Boot.
I didn't know. I'd never seen my real uncle.
It was the Boot that killed Maasam.
The Boot. We'd better get out of here.
Come on, dear.
Congratulations, Mr. Mitty. You've aroused the sleeping beauty.
- Turn on the light. - Where is it?
- Over there. - Oh.
Wait a minute.
- This ought to hold them. - What are you doing?
Well, this worked in "The Shocking Case Of The Mad Electrician."
I just wire this here, and turn this switch on...
then when they put their hands on...
- Hurry! - Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
It's the Malay tiger trap. It works on tigers, it should work on people.
We used this in "The Elephant Boy Strikes Back."
They cover it with straw.
When he comes in, he steps on this, the barrel goes off...
his foot gets caught, he goes right up and he's trapped.
Here I am!
No! You're suppose...
Come on, Rosalind.
Help! Let me down here!
Help! Let me down!
Well, there's the flower truck.
For the last time! Where is the book?
I'll never tell! Never!
Hendrick!
You better stay where you are!
I took care of you once before, and I'll do it again!
Drop it! What's going on here?
- You! What about that flower truck? - I had to rescue the girl!
- These men are crooks! - They're murderers!
- He's the leader! The Boot! - This is what they're after!
It belongs to the Dutch government.
Get him! He's getting away!
Twist her arm, will you? I'll show you who's crazy!
Mitty, you fool! Leave that poor old man alone!
Walter, all those policemen! What does it mean?
- Who's she? - This is Rosalind.
- Now you understand why I left. - I understand, you two-timer!
Well, ladies, I guess I was right all along!
How could you?
Rosalind can explain. She was with me every minute.
All the time you were making advances to my daughter...
you were carrying on with this Jezebel!
Jezebel! How dare you! All of you!
- Rosalind, wait! - Let her go! You're well rid of her!
Run after her, you milk-drinking Casanova!
Milk? I'd like to see what he drinks when he's out with that blonde!
- You filthy drunkard! - You can't make a lily from a ragweed!
- Shut up! - Mitty!
You too!
Now you're all gonna listen to me.
For years I've been listening to you! You almost put me in a straightjacket!
Your small minds are muscle-bound with suspicion.
That's because the only exercise you get is jumping to conclusions!
You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you!
- Now, hold on! I don't think... - You never think!
- What? - The only good idea you ever had...
was to hire me to do your thinking for you!
"Associate editor."
Go right in. Take a look at it, Walt.
Oh, Walter. It's just wonderful!
Now, folks, this is just another working day in the Pierce Publishing Company.
"Frontier Stories" has to meet its deadline.
Have you ever been through our plant, Mrs. Mitty?
- No, I haven't - Well, come along. I'll show you around.
I'll see you later, dear.
And no more daydreaming, Walt, old man.
Oh, no. Right you are... Bruce!